Help! Has anybody got a rule book for retirement?
Help!
My husband’s ability to search the internet is limited. Which perhaps has given me the courage to pen my thoughts on HIS retirement and its impact on ME!
There is no rule book handed to you when you retire yet we spend our working lives dreaming about a time when we will be free. It came as a bit of a shock to the system to our family when my husband retired. I still work so his newfound freedom has impacted our lives.
What nobody talks about are the pitfalls going into this new phase of life. It’s supposed to be exciting with lots of flexibility and freedom to do what you want and when you want to do it. What I have discovered is that retirement presents a new set of challenges.
If you have read this far, I am sure you can relate to the years spent refining and perfecting routines and rituals around our careers and raising children. It was this routine that in some ways kept us on track with diet, lifestyle and exercise. In retirement, the structure of the juggle suddenly vanishes and its place all you have is time.
Without the daily schedule in place together we lacked the motivation to do so much forward planning for the year ahead with our goals and dreams. We soon found ourselves a bit lost. Not long after the weight on the scales was going up, along with navigating the new landscape of more flexibility with your time and therefore your marriage. Both my husband and I, found our motivation and timelines for our relationship drastically shifted with the additional time we now had on our hands.
As a woman who has worn multiple hats in my life - wife, mother, career woman, student and friend. I have learnt the value of looking after myself first to be able to be present for all the other roles I need to be in my life. So, I returned to the administration of my own personal goals and dreams which I have found is a way to keep myself on track over the years.
It is necessary for me to write my thoughts down and see them in black and white so I need both a planner and a diary. I have added links to the materials that work for me but find what works best for you. Everyone is different. Whatever you choose to make it colourful and invest in some great pens that you enjoy writing with. For those who are digitally inclined there are also some great planning and project apps like Trello or a Pinterest board if you are really visual.
When it comes to adding your partner into this mix, I have found having a strategy of attack together with a goal for a combined outcome will help you enormously. So, here is how we tackle it in our household.
Personal goal making
I find it helpful in my goals and dreams section to have categories. These work for me so please take what works for you and add in any that may be applicable for you.
“Me, partner, family, friends, homemaker and work”
I need to take myself off somewhere for the first step, so I take time out to work through my thoughts and plan - and not be interrupted.
I love the book by Stephen Covey 7 Habits of Highly Effective People and I highly recommend it if you need help on goal making.
I use his Sharpen the Saw philosophy when I am goal making and I ask myself what are the DAILY tasks or reminders that I need to I need to DO and BE to keep myself to give my best to all my roles.
Here’s a few examples from my diary that may be helpful to you. I would like to preface that the descriptions of my body are not intended to cause offence and if you are struggling with your body image as you age. Know you are not alone. If it’s helpful to know I get no sympathy from my kids who affectionately tease me about my imperfections, but I am strong enough in myself as a woman to know that I am whole enough. I don’t believe in botox and surgery either, but I am also not judgemental for those who seek these remedies - as these are my personal thoughts for myself. As with everything else, take what is relevant to you.
Physical
Gym workouts minimum four to five days a week with a focus on my chicken wing arms, face exercise for my turkey gobbler neck, eat more greens, goal weight at 62 kg.
Social
Keep in touch with friends, girlfriends to have a ‘cleansing warts and all’ catch-ups.
Mental
Webinars plus podcasts to listen at gym, read informational books to continue personal growth like Simplify, Structure & Succeed by Shannah Kennedy and chill out reads to relax.
Spiritual
Meditation and affirmations to keep me on track. I use Insight Timer app for meditations.
Weekly planning
Having a weekly plan helps you see the practical plan for the week ahead and gives you a view of the bigger events that need planning and discussion for the months or year ahead.
I have found chatting through what your week looks like is really helpful for forward-planning and avoiding unnecessary tension in the moment.
I still work part-time so I have a couple of nights a week when I take late appointments, so it’s not possible or realistic to get home on the expected time. I am fortunate as my partner does most of the cooking in our household. Therefore, the expectation of turning up on time for dinner is part of being thankful for the meal my partner has prepared for me.
Also, I found myself stacking on the kilos consuming bigger meals and the wrong foods for my body type without some discussion into our meals. He loves carbs and I love protein so negotiation on meals can become an issue, so I find talking that through ahead of time helps keep me on track with my own weight goals.
Also, my time is not as flexible as my partner’s since he has retired. I have found that I have had to adapt and make changes to manage my stress levels so that I have time for my work and my physical, social, mental and spiritual wellbeing and also my partner’s new flexibility with time.
Planning together
As doing our personal goals first works best for us, we make sure that is completed before we meet up. I find getting out of the house and organising a trip to our favourite local coffee shop helpful, so if there are differences, it keeps a lid on the emotions.
We are both on our second marriage and we are a blended family, so we have to manage concurrent priorities that need pragmatic solutions. To that end, my guiding philosophy is the KISS principle: ‘KEEP IT SIMPLY SIMPLE’. Ultimately, it takes compassion and understanding to meet someone in the middle. It’s about compromise. All the time.
I go in with the 4 A’s mindset:
ACCEPT
ADAPT
APPRECIATE
ADMIRE
It helps to have it handy to focus if things go off track.
Weekly check-in’s
Weekly chats can also help cover off the gaps and expectations for both of you and manage any potential issues ahead of time. I have found the frequency of my husband asking; ‘Have you got a minute?’. Has increased ten-fold since his retirement and 20-minutes later we are still ‘chatting’ and my stress levels are up and it can end up in a ‘dust-up’.
So, what’s the point of story? Don’t stop dreaming and having goals. Planning is the key to staying on track with your diet, exercise, lifestyle and relationship in retirement.
I will write next on my tips for how I work my schedule and give you practical tips to stay on track with your health and well-being.
Good luck!
~ Margaret